( The loss of a child is unthinkable but loss of joy in life is unimaginable. )

It was also my maternal grandfather's death anniversary. 15 years ago, he had stayed in our house and he was taken away from us, after his long battle with his kidney problem. Possibly also the loss Inang had made him want to join her. His health had started deteriorating after my grandmother's demise. He was a silent but gentle man with his apos, but he was also a proud man. He refused letting all of us see how he is suffering and he suffered all the pain in silence. I distinctly remember that day because I had refused to eat breakfast (it was raw egg cracked in steaming rice-- I hated the icky taste). I was not able to go to school. That night, with the loss of light (infamous blackouts), I lost my grandfather. Although I did not see my mother grieve like when Inang passed away, I sensed the heavy feeling of resignation and the acceptance that this is what is fated.

It seemed that this is a year of losses and partings. A good number of people had parted and had gone on ahead. In my own experience, this is also a year of discovery for me that I had to be on my own now. Mama gave me her blessing, after I vented out. I'm uncertain where to begin but people had been giving me directions. I am slowly gaining the courage to get out of my protective shell.

It seemed inappropriate that I talk of a party or even celebrations after what I had shared but when I saw dyoklako 's eljay, she was right. There's still reason to celebrate. No matter what was taken from us, our lives go on. Life is a celebration. Death is merely its culmination. Parting gives us the choices to leave and live another fate. Despair and destruction can be overcome. We can always build and dream and want. Even in our delirium, there are truths to be seen.

( Talk of a drunken mistress on control. )
I am old enough to know my limits so to speak. But I still walk the fine line of loss and control. Wherever I succumb, I just wish I can still pull out of it.

My last visit at EK was almost a decade ago. That was when I was still a Bio major with my orgmates-batchmates.

After nearly 8 years, I return with a vengeance. I promised to try all. But what I was excited about was the Space Shuttle. It scared the hell out of me when I first rode it but it was like an addiction I couldn't throw off. Of course, there are also my favorites: Flying Fiesta and Anchors Away.

There had been plans to go to EK last May but it had been thwarthed by rains and Coach Jude, who originally proposed it, was already in her advanced pregnancy state. David proposed it a week ago. Without thinking, I jumped at it. Anyway, it was after payday and there's nothing much to do.

We left Sunday morning after shift. There were a number of us: Davide and his gf, David's team, Wave 9, Kaecie, JLo, Ron, Yohan and Marci (who fortunately agreed to come), Cathy (David's PS), Honey, Elmer and Marge, Jen, Mama Cel, Ruth and Ara, Mike and me.

We left Star Mall at around 10:30 after Davide made arrangements with our ride. We were split into 2 groups-- Wave 9 was with Ron and the others had to wait for Marge. It took us an hour and a half before the first van arrived at our destination. The heat of Manila was left at Manila because when we arrived at EK, the rain was falling very hard. Coach Jude's prediction came true! I wanted to bap myself because I left my short pants at home!

But we did not let that stop us. After we dropped off, we attacked our first ride: Skate Rollers. We did not let the rain deter us to enjoy the mini-roller coaster. We even had 2 gos with the usual one spin because there was no one in queue.

We ran off to our next stop: Anchors Away! It was not so scary anymore, not like the last time I remembered it. And it was fun to swing even it was drizzling.

To dry off, we went to see Rialto. Not very fun simulation but it was nice to be able to sit still in a dry (albeit very cold place).

I had to split to see if David's group had arrived. I found them at the Grand Carousel. I alternately jumped from group for the pictures and the people to hang around with.

Nasulit ko Anchors Away. I can't recall how many times I had to go back there and was dragged back there to ride it. Ang nakakainis lang, walang Space Shuttle! They were repairing it and would be open the 4th quarter of this year. I tried Rio Grande and Log Jam for the first time and I enjoyed it. I even got pictures!

I got a Space Shuttle shirt. It looked like the hands were to grope my chest, though...LOL!

We were able to watch fireworks afterwards. It was the nicest thing. And I don't care whether I was soaked to the skin because of the man-made reasons or natural reasons. We still had enough energy to pose for pictures. :D

YRT, what do you think?

From _ligaya_  and mithlin_megil .

Your result for The Social Persona Test (Version 2.5)...

The Rarity (QTAF)

Quirky Traditional Alpha Female

Take The Social Persona Test (Version 2.5) at HelloQuizzy

We're going to EK in a bit. Shucks, I feel like a kid excited on a field trip!

Oh, to my beloved dream_big152 :



Miss you!

Mwah!

Yep, it's been quite a while since anyone has seen me at LJ. Mostly, I stay at plurk and recently at Facebook  (which I  finally enjoyed the reason of having an account on-- it quickly replaced my Friendster!) that I did not realize I had not posted in lj for almost 5 months. Apart from the business of my sked, Aoyuki decided to conk out after roughly a year of being alive after being infected with a virus. The bummer was I was forced to reformat the pc altogether but the virus had burrowed in the boot files so I have to completely eradicate all data in the hard drive. I thought I could buy my laptop but for some unknown reasons, mum and I kept on having financial spats, I couldn't get my cash. Plus the fact she got hospitalized and had to bear the immediate expenses. So bye-bye laptop money. -_-;

So how was the year so far? Mostly busy and slowly getting my momentum. My last year crises were still catching up on me but I'm learning to fend them off, one by one. I can say that I survived the scrapes and I'm starting anew. It hadn't been easy but I have to thank the people who had constantly been my never-ending support, crying shoulders, motivators, devil's advocate and vent-out spectators. You know who you are.

Start of this year, I kept feeling of something that was waiting to happen. Something unexpected. I don't want to get my hopes up too much that it will be something wonderful (lovelife, maybe? XD) but I hope that it would be something nice for a change. Maybe it's beginning. Who knows?

So let's start some trackings...

December: Started looking for a potential laptop. I got my Christmas bonus and I decided the best thing would be for me to get a new laptop. Aoyuki just conked out. At first I thought the power supply was also failing but when I tested it, I found there was a virus lurking. It was a hard decision but I had to reformat the darned thing. To my horror, reformatting the first drive failed so I reformatted all hard drive. To my dismay, the virus was still there. I had to set Aoyuki aside and wait for my laptop for parallel install.

Ate Reg went home for Christmas and met up with her. She looked blooming and in love. *squees* I envy her at times but most of the time, I'm just so happy for her.

Met up with hieispike , too! She looked utterly great. :3 I miss her a lot, though. We rarely see each other because of work. We spent the whole day at SM Marikina, just talking and laughing about our lives in general. I introduced her to Terry Pratchett and I hope it developed.

( New Year with new starts )( February is the month of brokenness and healing. )

March is the crunch time. My sister finally got married in church and Papa came home. I think I'm having so much tension woith male members of my family that even my nephew hits me when he sees me. School suffered tremendously. My 2-week absence also antagonized me at work. Family issues are also antagonizing me but it seemed that they don't notice or care anyway.

_ligaya_  celebrated her birthday with a Hime-Gyaru theme. Being the rebel that I am, I showed up and dressed in black sparkly blouse, shorts and...Chucks. Hahaha. It was all in the spirit of fun and besides, the party was spectacular. My first time to be tipsy to do some outrageous stuff (well, blame it more on being so tired rather than drunk) like walking through glass walls and singing Shalala (including the rap) and getting a 94 for all my pains.


April was beginnings and endings again. School ended but I have to start doing damage control if I wanted to graduate next year. Cut my locks to a decent above the shoulder length because it was fricking hot! Rains come and go but the humidity kills. Besides, my hair had split ends I'm trying to get rid of.

Last Saturday, I received my CARE form. I don't resent boss. It's actually liberating to have the disciplinary action taken for my attendance but I'm sad that my plans of becoming a PS will be offset by this. I also decided that come this month, I will be moving out of the house. I'm starting to box my things for easier travel later on. I also decided to splurge on toys that I love-- UNO! There was a tournament game for UNO, Scrabble and Pictionary. I lost the UNO (they changed the RULES, darn it!) but we won twice in Pictionary. Well...considering our competitors were pre-teens to tweens (drat, I felt like I'm a bully) but I'm a newbie (never played the game before), that sets it off. My co-hort (whose name was JOY!) and I won 2 boxes of UNO cards. That's a pair deck inside the box and now I got 4! Yay! ^o^ mithlin_megil  and Jordan (Jackie's youngest brother) met up for the cds and Ozine. They caught up with me while I raided Bread Talk. Saw Adz, Mike and Maiko inside. Not much AME except for Chellie and Kat.  I decided to break in my deck with them while eating at Teriyaki Boy. I won the game. XD

_ligaya_  finally showed up after the Alodia-stalking E-games convention at SM Mall of Asia. I was so tired that I did not mind to be uke-fied. It looks like I'm scarier uke than seme. I kept poking mithlin_megil 's neck while she wore the mouse ears they bought from the con. PLUS-- we found Eve and Wally keychains. Jacjac would love that.:3

Argh, it's 4am. I would be checking on my mice (Mouse Hunt, JK's fault...again) and my Mafia (co-workers' fault) then off to bed. Or maybe a quick breakfast before bed. After the spaghetti, I'm still hungry.

Today is the start of Holy Week. I better start contemplation.

• ma-ospital. Noty only once, but TWICE. at LINGGO ang tinagal ko, di araw!
• had my heart broken and had actually openly talked about it
• go to Galera
• ma-depress dahil sa work, school, personal life
• REBOND and hair colored (temporary lang)
• slept in a room na lahat ng kasama ay lalaki (at least, biologically sila male)
• Magbigay ng aguinaldo (dahil may kita na ako)
• mag-aral ng bungo at kalansay ng totoong tao (forensics is the lurve)

Wins: Yesterday, I made the SK carolling group to play "Boomtarat-tarat" as a request when they requested if they could sing at our house. I was requesting "Kumukutikutitap" but they said they don't know the piece so I requested their hardest piece. Jologs na kung jologs pero ang saya kasi they actually even danced for me (xylophone band kasi, with majorettes and stuff). I took their pictures while they performed and will post the pictures soon. I was about to give them 500 bucks if they raised to my bait but for the effort, I gave them 200. Haha.

I had attended the Christmas Party od Sitel this year. SMX uli and the theme was Rave Party. Yohan and Shang invited me to join them in dressing up to have our makeup and hair fixed. For 250 bucks, I suppose the smug face of Aburatsubo-sama and the impressed looks of my officemates was enough compensation. Pics would be posted soon again.

It's my 3rd day at Simbang gabi! Yay! Sana makumpleto ko!

My first time to watch Oblation run deliberately. And in the front, to boot. XD Not that I'm impressed with what I saw. To be honest, I was bored (not because there were few nekkid boys...) but because the whole thing wasn't as marked with issues like the few years ago.

Finally got to catch Papa online. For a short while because he wanted me to go home when I said I was still in the office.

Misses: I missed Lantern Parade! I was already so tired that I went home instead to get the sleep I craved. Darn. Nagsisi talaga ako natulog ako. I missed many people and events. Boo...

YRT had decided to go on meet-up this Saturday but Coachie Jude and company wanted me to come to Anilao. And it's our HS Homecoming... I'm in a mix-up now! >_<

Haven't done Christmas Shopping yet. >_<

And I must finish my logging. See ya!

...to my curly locks. Aburatsubo-sama had suceeded.


Hello to shiny long locks. And yes, plus a burgundy shade. I decided to be adventurous.

At least the reaction wins. I get patted in the head. XD

Today, US celebrates Thanksgiving. Although being a Filipino and we do not celebrate Thanksgiving here in the Philippines, I want to thank all of you guys for another year well-spent and with the ups and downs we had experienced. It makes me feel grateful to be alive knowing that with every day that I share with everyone affects my life. Thanks. :3

*end mush moment*

Yesterday, after our shift and Coach Gregg had finished with our daily dosage of bath (huddle with soap), I had finally decided to try again and apply for PS (Product Specialist) position. I had been hindered the first time because I had many issues on health and studies but with the recent events, I noticed that we also need people to help out everyone, especially now that we are expanding.

I just have some misgivings. I talked to Coach Gregg and he said that I should go for it.

I suppose I need someone to talk about this.

Addenda: I am currently squeeing after getting a package from my Mommy Flipper. *squees* Discworld Almanak! In my hands. *teary-eyed* I am so happy! *squees*

( Usui and Misaki are now officially CANON! Want proof? )

 I have to go to bed but I have to stop squeeing now. *squeeeeeeeees*

I should be encashing the check I received last Saturday (thank God, and for crying out loud, that arrived last November 4...grrr!) but I have to finish the prayer my mom asked me to translate for the activity they will do for PREX next, next week. Mama was assigned to be the head in the next PREX committee so she had been pretty much hectic these past few months. I also had to help her in some stuff because she had her root canal operation 2 weeks ago.

I cleaned out my library now because there are some books that I had not been reading anyway that I want to get rid of. My Ninang Sara (my godmother in my christening) have a book distribution and sales business and she also helps Mama for the fund-raising of the project. Mama had asked me to go with them last week to help them out for the book sale. I was surprised with the number of people who are actually into books and people who are willing to spend for books for their kids (my ninang sells information books and children's books). There were also a lot of them who request for young adult books and fictions that I usually collect. So I boxed up my stuff and will be selling some of them. Wala pang list, I had to also consider the price and the appearance of each. I'll post one, soon, though.

Anyway, nothing much to tell. Just quite busy with everything.

Kaichou developments make me very happy. XDDDDDD Can't resist squeeing.

I just woke up today because I was so exhausted when I came home from work. My mom was still talking to me when I went directly to my room and rested my head against the pillow. Poof. Fell asleep before I even understood what Mama was saying.

Anyway, thank God for my understanding bosses, I get to have a decent schedule to allow me to get to school on time unlike last sem. I have my constant sked of 1am-10am so I can get to UP by around 11am. My classes start at 1 and ends at 4pm. I am surprised I can still sleep, though.

Health-wise, I am recovering from bronchitis after a hacking cough that turned into laryngitis and colds the past two weeks. I am already hating antibiotics and all meds of any kind. This is an epic year of my health, I have to say. Thankfully, my bronchitis seems to be mild or else I would be ending up in the hospital again. >____< Still, I get the ocassional coughing, especially in the afternoon.

Before I get my gf-chama and all those who know my medical history to worry again, I will be promising and making it a point that I will take care of myself. I already had decided that I still want to live to see myself wearing a sablay. i know you've heard of this before but I had already made up my mind. aone more hospital case, I'm stopping my insane sked.

I also am determined to get a laptop either this December or January. My budget is minimum 16K to max of 30 to 40K (but if I settle for something fancier, I'll probably ending up buying my laptop on February). I decided to get one after I took one look at my schoolwork and papers to finish. I won't be able to always be here to do stuff with Aoyuki because I'm mostly away. But I have to be also wary because I have to choose my newest "baby" carefully. Friends had already offered advice and scouting in the net, my choices were narrowed between ASUS EEE and Acer. I would be needing to visit Gilmore soon.
Specs:

• at least 512MB RAM and upgradable (I'll be realistic, 512 is not bad for XP and with my budget, I will not complain)
• minimum of 1Ghz processor (I was being advised to get a dual Core instead of AMD)
• not particular on disk space, 80G is fine
• compact and lightweight, para madaling itago sa backpack
• if it's not too much to ask, DVD burner? *puppy eyes* Although if I get a netbook, I'll hunt for an external one next year na.
• XP! Although I love Vista, I'll use after...um, 3...no, make it 5 years?

I am also being talked to getting a Macbook (is it true UP students get a 10% off?) if I wanted to have an investment. But a Macbook costs at least 55K. *cries* I probably would have to beg that off. I just need something I can work on right now.

Twilight mania seems not to affect me but I was rather surprised how it affected many of my friends. I was stunned when even JK, who I never thought reads anything except BIO, is actually reading it!  I saw JK and Fifi (my pet name for Sofi) at CASAA and had a very late lunch with them together. JK had pulled out Breaking Dawn from inside his bag and marked Chapter 10. My jaw only dropped because he actually spent a weekend to read it. O_O

Speaking of books, I got new books. Well, not really new from Bob Ong. I think I oversplurged too much after getting my full salary. Ahahaha. I also tried out the Dark Cherry Mocha. I enjoyed it too much but it's too expensive. Ahhh...I just love hot coffee now. :3

Oh well, gotta sleep for now.

It's the start of the second semester and I still have not decided. Anthro or PA???

I have already enlisted with Anthro 164 (and I really wanted the 165 but they say it was already overfilled... buhuhuhuhuhu!) but my class for 121 contradicts with it. I have the option to retake my 161 (I had to be dropped because my absence for 3 weeks due to an illness and well...it was not yet arranged) . I might actually fix my 198 but I have to talk to Sir Datar. He will skin and debone me alive, pardon the pun. T__T

I am still at the office but I am not taking calls because I am currently "voiceless" I still can talk but after a while, my throat gets irritated. I've been having a hacking cough since early this week. I'm amusing myself by going online but I think I better head to either 15th or UP to get some classes. I think I better sleep then. :P

JK: Sorry kahapon! T_T

...I don't understand why he made me blush.

( Why? Why Halloween? )
Added notes: I bought new scents for me and finally settled with Vetiver Mint by Bench and my old favorite, B2O. I can't compromise with the fruity and flowery scent so I decided on the clean and unique scent. And I love Bench for it. :3

Meido is still undecided. Who's Subaru-chan and who's Erika-chan? Jacjac and I are still debating. Sexiness or Meganekko love?

I is in hyper mode.

Thanks to kaichouwamaid , I is very happy camper. :D

Snitched from mithlin_megil . Get well soon, woman. I missed you!
chocolate_daze's Halloween party:

( We party hard. Very hard. *manic laughter* )

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created by sigma7: More info here.

I should have posted earlier but Plurk has got me with one of its eternal "250 plurks"loops. In the middle of wading through the plurkages, the Sugarfree Live! with the Philharmonic Orchestra is playing, making me shiver with sheer alternative rock music + orchestra music goodness. :D For some weird reason, I had seemed to have pressed the "Mark All as Read". Hah. Ah well, I am still feeling giddy. XD

( Date with the two of the closest friends I have. <3 )
I was also squeeing tonight because of this: Aoi has appeared! New chapter for KawaMei! The development made me facepalm, though. I am being haunted by foxes in cute sheep's clothing! O_O

Last Saturday,_ligaya_  texted me that there would be an OS gathering at Atchie's and if I wanted to meet up. Since I had not slept for 24 hours, I declined the OS but agreed to see them (I have been deprived of my harem for a month now). I visitedjactinglim 's dormitory to pester her. Invaded her plurk and learned that KWMS has 5 volumes and 32 chapters. And is already licensced. T__________________T

Met Eric, finally. Hee. :D Sidebar Cafe has changed my punto de Vista. XD

(Yes, geeks, laugh if you get that JOKE!)

My work had been getting much better now, in a sense I'm finally keeping my AHT down and helping out with the PS work. Although, this also meant Wave 1 is now disbanded. I'm out of Coachie Jude's team because of the shuffle. Was assigned to Team Rodil/Iceman with most of my former RSs (L2s) plus newbies. For some weird reason, the guy Aburatsubo-sama had been pairing me up with ended in our team. He had been constantly nagging me to get a (love)life for the last 2 weeks. And he started it off by nagging me to change my cologne scent.

By the way, Aburatsubo-sama is officially now our team's OM. I don't know if that should please me or not. Now he's got more leverage now to "transform" me from a tomboy to a "sweet Coach Mhackie". >_< And he is now adding up to the people auctioning me off to finally get a boyfriend.

Please, no. I want my uke, still. But maybe more of because I want to be perverse and bad-ass.

Honestly speaking, I like the guy but I don't know him that well. He intrigues me because he is nice to me and I admit, he is attractive. But I don't like being pushed towards someone like that. It was bad enough with Vermont and Raymond (and that was just joke stuff) kasi malapit-lapit na rin ako mapikon. The difference was I know these guys to laugh it off. This one, I don't like the feeling of being drawn to a guy I don't even have an idea who he is. I mean, he's the type I usually find interesting but I rather know him first.


Besides, my heart is no one's concern except mine. I know they were well-meaning but let me sort my baggages first.

On my acads: I can't march this sem because I need a year of residency. I can finish but no diploma until next year. *sighs*  Tried the new Cruel Registration Scheme. I am praying to God I get Anthro 165. Please?

Health-wise, I'm okay now. Just learning how to deal with my current status as a hypertensive and diabetic. Well, not that I am on insulin, thank God. I just have to be careful to let my BP steady and sugar not so high.

I may had been on some tough spots this year but it looks like there are some good things out of them. I just hope I can still be that positive once I get to next year. D:

Ah well. Good night for now. :)

[EDIT] The Anthro 165 would be taught by Sir Jocano, who was my prof in Language Anthro. He is also one of my favorite profs in UP because he's just full of awesome. XD

Interestingly, he is the brother of speaknoenglish . I marvel at how small the world is.

It seems that I had been keeping my feelings and worries deep inside me that I just realized I am sinking in my destructive depression pattern. I just realized this when I impulsively picked up Goya Mint Dark Chocolate and then remembered I can't eat chocolates while I was already eating it.

I hate sinking in depression because it halts all my thinking processes. It makes me go hibernate.And it makes me selfish.

I hate this feeling, too. So in this stages, I also indulge on musicales. This made me smile because it brings me fond memories of my childhood.


I'll be all right. I hope soon.

 

Galing kay Buddy Francis.

I've done this before way back but I can't remember where I posted it.

Rule: List all the names you were called by and the people who call you that. Tag at least 10 members of your contacts and give a comment on their site for them to know they've been tagged.

1. Christine - the generic, all-around name of me by family members, neighbors and friends from GS and HS. My name at work when speaking with customers. My formal name, ika nga. If Papa calls me by this name, it means I'm in trouble.

2. Ceejay/CJ- the generic name for all college friends and people I've met since I was 16. Given by Horizon staff and adviser on my 3rd year.

3. Ting/Ting-ting/Tin/Tin-tin/Ten/Ten-ten/Teng - Ha, first time lumabas nito. My family petname/nickname variations, depending which side of the family. Bisaya ang Dad ko, so go figure which are the variations Papa's relatives call me. Only family and close family friends (and I again emphasize, ONLY and usually older than I am) calls me this. Dad's darling nickname for me pag naglalambing (specifically, yung unang variation).

4. Christine Joy - My full name called by teachers and classmates in GS and HS. Formal name with strangers when I was younger. It means the same thing when Papa calls me "Christine" if Mama started calling me by this name.

5. Ceej - Abbreviated name for my usual nickname. Preferred pet name of most of my close friends.

6. Chris - My pet name of tita Virgie. Dr. Salcedo also calls me this. I kinda like this name, too, but I don't think I'll get used being called like that in real life.

7. Chrissie - Grandma Hedwig's/Nina's fault. XD

8. Joy - Anyone who calls me this either has a deathwish or has suicidal tendencies through severe physical injuries. 4th year HS adviser's fault.

9. Ate only or + any nicknames above - siblings or anyone at least a year younger than I am (exceptions with some ABMers, workplace people and others that I specifically told to not call me ATE)

10. Buddy - my buddies (but only Leng and Euni did call me this)

11. Latosa - HS and CAT days, especially we had2 CJs, 4 Christine/Catherine and 4 Joy/Joyce combo. Mostly, officers and teachers.

12. Lato - Ewan ang sense of humor ng 1st year HS adviser ko. Turned out this was a type of seaweed.

13. Cijz - K's nickname when we were freshmen in college

14. Siege - A terror Pol Sci prof coined this nickname for me. Bleh.

15. Chicken Joy - Lobby pipz's nickname, lalo na si Arlene. Hindi ko na matandaan yung isa, medyo bastos ata kaya di ko matandaan.

16. Sandara - Ewan ko kung paano nangyari ito. Bigla na lang after our 141 field trip in Mindoro, naging Sandara na lang ako. >_>

17. Choco - Glompables' nickname from the ARESCOM.

18. Micharuna - Combined names of the Outer Senshis of Sailormoon. My first online nickname.

19. Sora no Aoi/Sora-chan - WAA people. Especially ancient ones. This became my official online alias.

20. Hamtaro-chan - Kuya Retsu coined this one. I forgot why.

21. Ceej-neegwelas - Paopao-kun's joke? Who else called me this? Lancey?

22. Minoru-sama - Yuzuki-neko/Toneko's nickname for me since I pwned the Minoru Kokubunji.

23. Tita T**a - Pachuchay's (my niece)  nick for me (I call her Bulate, anyway).

24. Tabs - Banana (Anna), who is my childhood best friend.

25. Apo - Lolo Robert's pang-asar.

26. Gelpren - Gelpren Dey. Haha, for my GF-tachichan, don't kill me.  She was my first. :P

27. Obaachan- Meme! well, owing to the fact I'm such a fossil.

28. Fossil-san - AME people, I think mostly Gonads? Not sure kung ano batch nila Jonats-kun.

I think that's about it unless I forgot something.